Government Efficiency

I had what I considered a well thought out plan when I determined I would file for Social Security - this has nothing to do with my age, it has to do with the process itself.

So, everything "I" had read, said you should begin the process three months prior to when you wanted to begin receiving benefits.  That was June of this year.  Since over the years I had lost my actual Social Security card, I actually went to the local office in February to see about getting a new card. That was a simple process; in fact I got a parking place in the front row, and had service within five minutes of entry. Received my new card within two weeks, and was looking forward to June, my next appointment.

June came, I sauntered to the office, and so help me got the same precise parking place.  Thought about crossing myself but just said a silent thank you instead.  Again... absolutely zero wait inside... had a nice lady, in fact a knowledgeable lady wait on me. I left there feeling confident despite the fact I expected to begin receiving my checks in August. I was a bit non-plussed to find out they would not begin until October, and THEN not until the third week of October.  I asked the lady if I should just bend on over so she could slide it all the way in; she and I had a good rapport by that time and we laughed.

So, it is now October; I get a fricking letter from Social Security, and when I saw it in the box I just assumed it was a confirmation that my checks would begin [s o o n ].... nooooooo... they want me to 'confirm' I have not been working so as to ensure they don't send me too many sheckles.  Most of everything on there had been asked when I went to the local office in June.  And, there was a testy edge to the letter saying it was imperative to mail it back as soon as possible.  And the envelope required fricking postage!!!!  The last insult was a statement at the end talking about the paper reduction act.

I decided to call the yahoooos, thinking I could save some paper, some postage, and the aggravation of filling the paperwork out.  I talked to Mary after perhaps fifteen minutes of going through a menu, answering questions.  I was polite to ole Mary as she sounded like she was choking on a doughnut.  She tried to do the deed online but couldn't get her system to work. In the final analysis I asked Mary to agree with me that it was bad news the govmit boyz were making 'me' spend my own money to send back a piece of paper verifying what I told them in June, what I had just told her on the phone etc. etc.  She said she could not do that, but I still thanked her in my best syrupy voice.  And all this 'before' getting my first check!  I am going to Red Lobster tonight just to console myself.  And ya'll want govmint healthcare!!!  Party on.